Vagisil, Bengay, and Mrs. Dash

Yesterday I had the pleasure of being the Best Man at my good friend's wedding (Joe Z's). Much Owen Roe wine was drunk, along with a keg of Jeremiah Red from B.J.'s (good stuff). When I was calling to mind all of my memories of Joe when brainstorming for a toast, I remembered one fateful night that makes me laugh and gag whenever I think about it. It was Joe's last night of lock-up as head prefect, so me, triplehooks, and 3 others decided to ambush him on his route. Each of us were armed with a weapon of choice. I was sporting the ever dependable Edge shaving gel, Byrne had the always tasty Mrs. Dash (a festive blend of herbs and spices), Nicky K had a bucket of coconut oil hair styling crap (much like vaseline, but better smelling), Wicke had the muscle relaxing balm known as Bengay (cp. IcyHot), and Triplehooks had a tube of the yeast infection's bitter enemy, Vagisil. Don't ask me why he did. He'll have to tell that story on his own. So we hid from view, ambushed him, and after a short chase, covered his pinned body with the afore mentioned ingredients. It was disgusting. There was some sort of reaction between some of the ingredients, much like mixing bleach and ammonia. Eyes started burning, throats itching. I'm guessing it was the Vagisil, Bengay, and Mrs. Dash, with a hint of coconut. The smell was horrible. We all started gagging and Joe ran to the showers to get the stuff off if him, now starting to tingle because of the Bengay. As he was pulling the shirt over his head, the enclosed focus of the smell made him start coughing and dry heaving all over the bath room. He got into the shower, but was unable to get clean becuase the coconut oil was repelling all of the water. He came out of the shower with the water all beaded up on his skin. And his hairwas akin to that of a DragonBall Z character. The smell lingered on him for about 3 days, and his whole section had to suffer. Ahhh... good times. So, in conclusion, if you need to ambush anyone in the future, I suggest a fine combination of Shaving cream (for volume), Mrs. Dash (for that missing flavor), Coconut oil (for the water repelling and subtle tropical tones), Bengay or Icyhot (for the tingling sensation that lets you know it's working), and finally Vagisil (for the sheer humiliation). Serves one. Enjoy!